"Bhenchod! Tu janta nahi hai, mera baap kaun hai?" as crass as that sounds nine out of ten people who have ever interacted with a Delhi Boy have heard this line. It comes in many tones there is the drunken version and then there is the boistorous version. Yet there is something stereotypically Delhi associated with that line. For my two foreign readers who stumbled on this blog looking for Shakespeare but got fuck all! Welcome and this translated for you in essence means "Don't fuck with me cause you don't know who my dad is?" (Essentially reiterating the fact that they are not well endowed!). Ironically I'm a Delhi Boy, dissing on other Delhi boys but hey I've always said embrace the stereotype because that essentially can be really fun at times. With regard to what we are here to discuss today is the essential evolution of the Delhi boy from before Alcohol to after. There are many who would disagree with what I have to say and be like that is not true for all, I agree but again I reiterate we are not here to discuss the exception to the rule (as would be me and some of my friends with regard to the "Tu janta nahi hai" dialogue). So I give you the five stages of evolution for almost every Delhi Boy.
Disclosure: At no point in this blog am I tearing down any form of music, I am solely mocking the stereotype that is the Delhi Boy!
Stage 1:- ( 1 - 2 Pegs of Whiskey, [Dilli hai BC! , Vodka ki ma ki])
This in essence is the relaxed stage where the boy is like "Yeah man! I was at Blue Bar last night, they were playing some really chilled out shit bro!" Yet at this point he will also tell you that he spent shit loads of his dad's money and got hammered. He will be like "lets listen to some chilled out Deep House and like get a whiskey, dude" At this point the Discussion will also be about the following depending on age of the Delhi Boy - Where he partied, With Whom he partied, Who he knows to party with, How much his clothes (fake Lajpat Nagar knock off that he is trying to pass off as originals) are worth.
Where he's planning to holiday (BC has not been further than Gurgaon, or Guru, Insta, Kilo,-Gram as they would have it called) and the most obvious one, the solid idea of his start-up which his dad has already told him to go fuck off with. The music at this point is chilled out he knows every song that is playing and will update you on more related music which his friends have casually put into conversation and he has never heard, or found out about his self. Well at this stage he is bearable, but anyone who has had to put up with two hours of this shit would have most likely kicked his ass by now. Hey! but what's Delhi without a fight breaking out every now and then?
Stage 2:- ( 3 - 4 Pegs of Whiskey)
Tiesto, Avicci, Armin Van Buren (Is that how you spell this?) and a million other Eastern European names will come out now, sort of like that Fake accent he's been trying to use but we all know it is only time before everyone is a MC or BC (Dear White, Chinese, Black and Latino folk please contact your nearest brown person for an explenation as to what is a MC and how one can become a BC).At this point he is cool, he is fly, his hands are doing the dance, his motto is "Eat, Sleep, Rage, Repeat"(Except on Tuesdays and Thursdays!), he's ready for the Selfies, because apparently you are suppose to take that first ? He's down with the DJ's and Tomorrow land is in his backyard only bro!! He Loves that EDM shit bro, and he had Honey Singh blasting just 10 minutes back, but hey "Hiz Lyf, Hiz Rulz". "You don't get it bro, this guy is epic bro!"
Stage 3:- (5 - 6 Pegs of Whiskey)
At this point our fun Delhi boy is inebriated enough to start showing his true colours. This is where he wants to hear his "Snoopy Doggy Dog" and almost every one is "His N**ga" (Hey! to all my black friends reading this, I'ma witchu let's go find that douche!). At this point his conversation is getting deeper, not in an emotional sense but there is some deep rooted stupidity fighting its way out slowly! At this stage he is the worlds best iPod DJ! He is the Jazzy Jeff of the iPod Dock and he got this shit covered! This is not bad music, it's just that as many time as you play Drake it's not going keep you any less at the bottom, you are still going to be there! Conversation at this time has started getting urban, and why not He's seen Pulp Fiction so many times, Sam Jackson should be calling him to find out what they call a "Quarter pounder with Cheese in France", Yes he Double dares you too! But hey at least he's more bearable now!
Stage 4:- (6 - 7 Pegs of Whiskey)
Welcome to the Karaoke session of the night! At this point, As with what can be seen at any point on the Animal Planet, he has found his heard, pack, posse, unkindness or what ever you call a group of "Delhi Buoys"together! They are all ready to kill it! Tonight they are Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons but without the talent. The music is blaring hits of the nineties and two thousand and he 's got his groove going! He's about to lay down some old school Backstreet Boys tracks and kill those high notes like the love child of what you would get if you Scratch Nails down a blackboard! He's all about the love now! He loves everyone and everything including the "Apple Pie" (#MovieReference)! He can't figure out who is who but he loves them none the less! Hey which on a deeper level, that the Delhi boy might fail to understand or comprehend (Please provide the Delhi boy closest to you with a dictionary to look up the meaning of the same) but loving everyone is awesome!! Spread the love! He's got the dance moves to back with when "Quit playing games with my heart" is played and will be on his knees for the chorus just to add to the effect! This is actually the fun stage at which one should be around the Delhi Boy
Stage 5:- (8 - 9 Pegs of Whiskey)
If the the Delhi boy is still alive at this stage, please give him a prize like a glass of water or a bucket depending on the situation. Those this is the most interesting part of the night cause this can go either way. At this point he could also go way negative and we all know one thing we can count on is that all problems aside Delhi boys (Again going with the rule, not the exception to the rule) wear their heart on their sleeves. It take very little at this point for them to react negatively to something and in most cases takes a friends of their's to sort out the situation and get them back to normal, but well that guy is boring! Let's talk about the fun Delhi guy again!! Let's talk about the guy who has thrown caution to the wind and gotten ready to move on, this guy is now ready to do what he wanted all night long but had is inhibitions up! He's ready! He's in Control, He has gotten all the knowledge one would need for such a mission! He has opened YouTube,he got to the search bar, he has found his track! This song completes him, he feels one with the song! This song is the spinach to his Popeye, this song is the Pippen to his Jordan (which actually sounds a little dirty too), this song is what the Fantastic Four - Reboot should have been.
So in conclusion I give you the song that completes the experience that is drinking with a Delhi boy!
Though I have to say it could be this too.....
Disclosure: At no point in this blog am I tearing down any form of music, I am solely mocking the stereotype that is the Delhi Boy!
Stage 1:- ( 1 - 2 Pegs of Whiskey, [Dilli hai BC! , Vodka ki ma ki])
This in essence is the relaxed stage where the boy is like "Yeah man! I was at Blue Bar last night, they were playing some really chilled out shit bro!" Yet at this point he will also tell you that he spent shit loads of his dad's money and got hammered. He will be like "lets listen to some chilled out Deep House and like get a whiskey, dude" At this point the Discussion will also be about the following depending on age of the Delhi Boy - Where he partied, With Whom he partied, Who he knows to party with, How much his clothes (fake Lajpat Nagar knock off that he is trying to pass off as originals) are worth.
Where he's planning to holiday (BC has not been further than Gurgaon, or Guru, Insta, Kilo,-Gram as they would have it called) and the most obvious one, the solid idea of his start-up which his dad has already told him to go fuck off with. The music at this point is chilled out he knows every song that is playing and will update you on more related music which his friends have casually put into conversation and he has never heard, or found out about his self. Well at this stage he is bearable, but anyone who has had to put up with two hours of this shit would have most likely kicked his ass by now. Hey! but what's Delhi without a fight breaking out every now and then?
Stage 2:- ( 3 - 4 Pegs of Whiskey)
Tiesto, Avicci, Armin Van Buren (Is that how you spell this?) and a million other Eastern European names will come out now, sort of like that Fake accent he's been trying to use but we all know it is only time before everyone is a MC or BC (Dear White, Chinese, Black and Latino folk please contact your nearest brown person for an explenation as to what is a MC and how one can become a BC).At this point he is cool, he is fly, his hands are doing the dance, his motto is "Eat, Sleep, Rage, Repeat"(Except on Tuesdays and Thursdays!), he's ready for the Selfies, because apparently you are suppose to take that first ? He's down with the DJ's and Tomorrow land is in his backyard only bro!! He Loves that EDM shit bro, and he had Honey Singh blasting just 10 minutes back, but hey "Hiz Lyf, Hiz Rulz". "You don't get it bro, this guy is epic bro!"
Stage 3:- (5 - 6 Pegs of Whiskey)
At this point our fun Delhi boy is inebriated enough to start showing his true colours. This is where he wants to hear his "Snoopy Doggy Dog" and almost every one is "His N**ga" (Hey! to all my black friends reading this, I'ma witchu let's go find that douche!). At this point his conversation is getting deeper, not in an emotional sense but there is some deep rooted stupidity fighting its way out slowly! At this stage he is the worlds best iPod DJ! He is the Jazzy Jeff of the iPod Dock and he got this shit covered! This is not bad music, it's just that as many time as you play Drake it's not going keep you any less at the bottom, you are still going to be there! Conversation at this time has started getting urban, and why not He's seen Pulp Fiction so many times, Sam Jackson should be calling him to find out what they call a "Quarter pounder with Cheese in France", Yes he Double dares you too! But hey at least he's more bearable now!
Stage 4:- (6 - 7 Pegs of Whiskey)
Welcome to the Karaoke session of the night! At this point, As with what can be seen at any point on the Animal Planet, he has found his heard, pack, posse, unkindness or what ever you call a group of "Delhi Buoys"together! They are all ready to kill it! Tonight they are Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons but without the talent. The music is blaring hits of the nineties and two thousand and he 's got his groove going! He's about to lay down some old school Backstreet Boys tracks and kill those high notes like the love child of what you would get if you Scratch Nails down a blackboard! He's all about the love now! He loves everyone and everything including the "Apple Pie" (#MovieReference)! He can't figure out who is who but he loves them none the less! Hey which on a deeper level, that the Delhi boy might fail to understand or comprehend (Please provide the Delhi boy closest to you with a dictionary to look up the meaning of the same) but loving everyone is awesome!! Spread the love! He's got the dance moves to back with when "Quit playing games with my heart" is played and will be on his knees for the chorus just to add to the effect! This is actually the fun stage at which one should be around the Delhi Boy
Stage 5:- (8 - 9 Pegs of Whiskey)
If the the Delhi boy is still alive at this stage, please give him a prize like a glass of water or a bucket depending on the situation. Those this is the most interesting part of the night cause this can go either way. At this point he could also go way negative and we all know one thing we can count on is that all problems aside Delhi boys (Again going with the rule, not the exception to the rule) wear their heart on their sleeves. It take very little at this point for them to react negatively to something and in most cases takes a friends of their's to sort out the situation and get them back to normal, but well that guy is boring! Let's talk about the fun Delhi guy again!! Let's talk about the guy who has thrown caution to the wind and gotten ready to move on, this guy is now ready to do what he wanted all night long but had is inhibitions up! He's ready! He's in Control, He has gotten all the knowledge one would need for such a mission! He has opened YouTube,he got to the search bar, he has found his track! This song completes him, he feels one with the song! This song is the spinach to his Popeye, this song is the Pippen to his Jordan (which actually sounds a little dirty too), this song is what the Fantastic Four - Reboot should have been.
So in conclusion I give you the song that completes the experience that is drinking with a Delhi boy!
Though I have to say it could be this too.....
